My emotions are moot. What is Christmas spirit? I have none this year. I’m so tired. I’m so sick. I’m so sick and tired of constantly feeling so depressed. I’m in fucking Vegas for God’s sake, yet no feeling or anything has kicked in. Decorations all around, christmas songs playing nonstop and just the joy of others and their happy cheeriness, why can’t I have that? Why can’t I just laugh and enjoy shit? All the glittering lights that I see outside my hotel room window are gorgeous, but I just feel so empty. Void of everything. I’m just dry swallowing everything and trying to process it, trying to feel something but it’s just dry.
I don’t understand this year, I don’t understand my life, I don’t understand.
“I literally didn’t know what Tumblr was [until] I did a photo shoot with Tyler Shields, and he texted me, and he’s like, ‘Dude, all the girls love you.’ I was like, ‘What are you talking about?’ And he said there were all these Tumblr views or something. And I didn’t want to text back, like, ‘What’s Tumblr?’ So I just Googled it.”—Evan Peters (via shawnspenstarr)
You’d think I would be able to handle it now after 9 months, but in fact I’ve been dying more and more as months pass.
There’s only so much your body can take before it gives up. I don’t have what it takes to sustaine any more emotional toll.
I’m so tired.
My body is tired.
My health is dimming.
I have such a headache right now, I made like 2834792834 million ice cream cone cup cakes. I just frosted the shit out of them and my fingers hurt like a bitch. Psych homework made me hate life. Belonephobia, I’m ok with needles and shit but looking at that shit for 3 hours… NO. I couldn’t even eat dinner. Sweet lordy.
I must shower, then write out checks for payments due tomorrow. Add sprinkles to the cupcakes and die, I mean sleep. Bai.
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve felt more emotions towards a fictional character than I do towards people I know in real life, I would probably have enough money to pay for the psychiatric help I obviously need.